Analog5:000 Article 003
From Hak5
The Hackers Manifesto 2.0
By: TomB
Published: January 20th, 2007
NOTE: Do not take seriously. This is meant as a joke.
Another one got spammed today, it's all over the blogs. "Nigerian dies, and the will money is handed out".
Damn tubes. They're all full.
But did you, in your three-piece suit and 2000s cubicle, ever take a look behind the eyes of the Counter-Strike n00b? Did you ever wonder what made him pwn, what forces aimed his gun, what may have molded him?
I am a pwnerer, enter my map...
Mine is a map that begins with hostages... I'm faster than most of the other CTs, this crap they speak bores me.
Damn trucks. They're all slow.
I'm in my basement. I've listened to podcasts explain for the fifthteen time how to hack an Xbox. I understand it. "No, Mr Dvorak, I didn't upgrade to Windows Vista, I installed Linux."
Damn ISPs capping connections.They're all alike.
I made a discovery today. I found the outside world. Wait a second, this is different. It does what the government tells it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because religion fucked it up. Or the US government finds oil in the middle east again. Or thinks the voting machines are broken.
Damn government. All they do is play wargames. They're all stupid.
And then it happened... the tubes opened... packets rushing through the phone line like water through an internet connection. A VoIP pulse is dialled out, an ACK packet is sent in. "This is it, this is where I belong... MySpace dot com.", "I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, if I ever met them, they would be pedophiles from another city". "I know you all..."
Damn podcasters. Tying up the tubes again. They're all alike.
You bet your micro we're all alike... we've been spoofing TV shows since you were playing Half-Life 1. We've been dominated by Rev3, or ignored by Apple. The few that had something to teach found us idling in #Hak5 on IRC.
This is our internet now... not some nuetral bullshit, the beauty of the packet. We make use of a tracker already existing without paying for what is overpriced. We click links.. and you call us criminals. We seek free music... and you call us criminals. We exist without girlfriends, without lives, without normal jobs. You hunt Afghans, destroy trade centers, and wage war against terror. You cheat into office, and make us believe it's for our own good.
Yes I am a pirate. My crime is that of piracy. My crime is that of stealing MP3 files. My crime is that of filming movies in the movie theatre. My crime is that of outsmarting Einstein.
I am an IPTV presenter, and this is my bullshit. You may stop this IPTV show, but you can't stop Rev3... after all, they run Digg.
- TomB (Tom Bell)
- tomb@nubuntu.org
- http://ownthebox.net