User:Moonlit
From Hak5
Moonlit is an IRC Junkie and Forum whore in training.
Moonlit is nocturnal and despises sunlight.
Moonlit is Moonlit. Moonie has sexy hair!
Build. Maintain. Destroy. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Contents |
Early life
Moonlit wasn't created the normal way, he was actually genetically spliced together from the DNA of 10 of the worlds greatest people. His genetic heritage can be traced back to Arnold Schwarzenegger, 3 different British SAS officers, movie starlet Catherine Zeta Jones, 1 male and 2 female officers from Britain's foreign intelligence agency Mi6 and two former world dictators the identities of whom are unknown.
He was raised in an english home of undisclosed location. He leaned calculus by the age of 3 and by 4 had solved the Grothendieck–Katz p-curvature conjecture, found a proof for the unprovable Euclid's parallel axiom and found the exact ratio of pi.
Moonlit was originally born in a parallel reality without computers, a situation which he found unacceptable. At the age of 8 realising that he needed a computer so that he could hack, he went back in time to 1940s cracked the enigma code with a pencil and 3 pieces of note paper and then explained to Turing how to design and build computers. He also impregnated Chuck Norris' mother before returning back to the present.
Later Years
Apon reaching sexual maturity at the age of 8 and a half, he was inundated with armies of 16 to 28 year old women all of whom were stalking and following him in a state of crazed animal lust over the man, due to the legend that he had created of himself as being the greatest lover of all time. He was well known for being able to provide passion to women that was so intense that it left them in a coma for 3 days and paralised for a further week.
At the age of 9 he haked into the NSA's echelon system and used it to search for porn on the internet. He used it as training videos to describe to his women how to perform properly.
The Invasion of the Fucked Up Evil Robot Thingies
At the age of 11 he was requested by the British prime minister into service for Mi7, the top secret British intelligence service that may or may not exist and the location of which may or may not be known.
Apon being recruited he was trained by the SAS, Navy SEALS and the Russian spetsnaz.
His job was to defend all of man kind against the invasion of the evil glass robots from the planet Redmondia IV. These were 8 feet tall made of transparent titanium and glass. These mech warriors ran a beta version of Windows 98. They were originally designed to help the original inhabitants of their planet. However so buggy was their code that one of them experienced a blue screen of death, within the first 3 seconds of being in operation. BSoDs are observed when their eyes turn blue and they demand to be rebooted, they quickly turned on their creators and destroyed the planet. They also replicate with tremendous speed and are unable to be destroyed by anyone, except it was hoped, Moonlit.
Moonlit grabbed a pencil and a piece of old recycling paper. He wrote out a piece of assembly that was an antidote that destroyed the invading robots. He turned that into executable code and put it into one of the robots. (Don't ask how he did this, it's totally classified and the NSA will knock your door down and anal probe you if you do.
He has fathered 34 kids so far to 30 women, 3 of whom he impregnated over IRC.
Absolute Truth
This is the absolute truth and everything that you have read up to now is in fact a falsification.
Moonlit in reality is a 27' (if you get the irony of this measurement PM moonlit on IRC) tall city destroying monster hell bent on finding a banana large enough to fill his stomach with wishing trolls. In his quest he has run along several hacklings which he has taken captive to keep him company, they include Kainchick, Kyu, and Shinmaryuu. Meanwhile one Nerachnaku can always be seen in the background fingthing him with compliments and yellow gerbils. When asked why he continiously fights the monster he always responds with a prompt slap of a firehydrant and the words “If I didn't There would be no tea for the Open Source Community.â€
Many of Moonlit's most noted accomplishments are as follows: Hiring a 14-year-old asian dressed as Optimus Prime to assinate Paul tha camera guy (taking out Wess in the process), liquifing Shinmaryuu to later sell to Alli and then to be stolen by Darren (to sell for some more brand cell phones) and most importantly for making a killing on the stock market and becoming owner for 98% of all Americian industry (or so Kyu claims) .